It’s not the Mother’s Fault!

In the primordial battle of choosing the best between a daughter and a daughter-in-law, a mother will always choose her daughter, by default. The credentials won’t matter in any condition because mothers love their children unconditionally, especially their daughters; after they get married. The whole world has generalized the sons and daughters in one phrase – Daughters love the parents till the end, but sons love their parents only till the day they get married. Even if it’s not true, or the other way round, the world will refuse to believe it. The comparison is unnecessary in most cases, but mothers tend to do that as they were always compared with their sisters-in-law by their mothers-in-law.

Every mother, no matter how modern and open-minded, will never accept the fact that a daughter-in-law can be better than a daughter. It’s not the heirloom that the daughter-in-law is after. It never will be (in most of the middle-class cases). Every daughter-in-law has only one expectation – to be treated fairly in the new family. No mother will ever want her daughter to be mistreated after she gets married and moves into a new home. But, when a son brings home a daughter-in-law, the law suddenly changes. The relationship dynamics change and everything changes. All of a sudden, the son falls a million trillion ranks below the daughter. It’s always the sons who become scapegoats in such cold war. Be it on the battlefield, or within the four walls of a home, the lives and souls of sons are sacrificed because of women who do not wish to speak openly about their true feelings. Generic statement! Hurts your feelings, right?

It is true that every new relationship takes time to gel. Everyone thinks more than twice to even utter a word in front of each other in a family gathering. The first impression is the last impression, you know? Sometimes it takes days, months or even years. The daughter-in-law might find it difficult in the beginning to adjust to everything – new people, new relationships, new rituals, new life and new lifestyle. It is the mother’s duty to make her feel at home.

It’s hurtful to a mother to accept that the daughter-in-law has a better understanding of the sensitivities in a relationship, or knows to cook tastier recipes, or has more fashion accessories than her daughter, so on and so forth. They teach their daughters everything - every trick of the trade, every little secret there is. They have the superpower to even describe the smell of their farts. But, on the other hand, they never teach anything to their daughter-in-law in such godly detail. They either assume she knows everything, so there’s no need to teach her anything, or she knows nothing, and there’s no use teaching her anything.

Didn’t your mother teach you?

How many times a daughter-in-law has to face this atrocious question, is still a question. Of course, mothers get old by the time their sons get married. It’s not the mother’s fault if the sons get married in their 30s, right? All they want is - their sons to become capable enough of handling their own responsibilities and that of the wife. On one hand, they pamper their sons and daughters to live like kings and queens. As children, they never taught the sons, the essential life lessons – like bargaining at a shop, handling relationships, SEX EDUCATION... all these were a taboo and not to be discussed as children, with children! Adulting was still a far-fetched dream. We all learnt it the hard way (pun, accidentally intended) and covertly as if it was a stealth operation.

There’s another double standard mothers have. They want their daughters to dominate their husbands, but they want their sons to dominate the wife. Mothers always train the daughters to be strong because they already know the daughters will have a tough time adjusting with the mother-in-law and try to become one later to avenge what they and their daughters have faced.

Finding a middle ground is not what mothers are good at. Expecting a mother to be a good mother-in-law is a lost cause. She will be a great mother – the greatest in the whole world. But, no woman is ever prepared to become a mother-in-law. In fact, they are fully prepared to become grandmothers. They are on their toes from the day the son gets married. But, that kind of urgency is never ever seen when it’s their daughter’s turn. Well, it’s not the mother’s fault. A mother can never be wrong. A mother can never take sides. A mother can never wish bad for their sons or daughters. But, a mother can also never love their daughter-in-law like their own daughters. It’s not their fault. They are wired to be biased. When it comes to accepting it, mothers never will. As soon as we accept it, we will be at peace.