It is imperative for any man to change after he ties a knot / gets married / legally wedded / escapes his singlehood / becomes the king / slave / HUSBAND! All men do accept the fact that they are not alone now. They can no longer live lives like they did as bachelors. They can no longer keep their room untidy as they preferred it to be. They can no longer sit idly and do nothing. While many wives think that they give their husbands enough freedom to do as they like, here’s the truth. The wives really do not intend to do so. But, they leave it to their husband’s “Superior Intelligence” to catch the cue. Well, I’ve gone a bit deeper into the concept of “HUSBAND” and tried to break it down alphabet by alphabet. With the minimum experience in this department, here’s what I feel HUSBAND should really mean to wives across the world –
H – He’s just HUMAN
Like all women, men too are humans. I am not supporting those who act like hooligans on the street, or the ones who hurl sexual abuses and harass women, and other acts of monstrosity. I am talking about those mad romantics who followed their dreams and became soulmates. And to other couples who didn’t follow their dreams and yet found “true love”, making mistakes is like a stepping stone in building stronger relationships. If men were machines, they would have been flawless in their every attempt to please / woo women.
When a husband doesn’t get the right detergent, or gets a 100 ml extra milk, or doesn’t add a spoon of sugar in the tea, or forgets to call back after reaching office, or falls asleep snoring, or gets a pastry instead of donut, or gets daisies instead of roses... wives are super-pissed about all of it. One stupid mistake and all the good things you did goes for a toss. If that can be overlooked, a husband will truly mean something (not everything. Not yet.)
U – He’s not always UNDERSTANDING
Some couples (soulmates / besties / life partners) claim to know each other so well; they can almost read each other’s minds. Well, if that were the case, there would be no domestic violence, no dowry-related suicides, no extra-marital affairs, etc, etc. To sum it up, “Understanding” each other is the root. We can conclude that husbands are not quite the understanding types. They zone out in the middle of the conversation; they are dumbnuts when it comes to catching the cues; they don’t quite get the concept of sign language when they are fully capable of speaking; they do not get the suspense in silence; they had hearing problems when it comes to whispering, and so on and so forth. Most of the household fights begin with one sentence – “Why don’t you UNDERSTAND?” Even if the husband is a huge fan / devotee / follower / fanatic of Sherlock, he will never be able to solve the mystery behind a stare. He won’t get why the wife is dreadfully quiet. He won’t dare ask, “What happened?” He will come to know it is because of something he did or didn’t do. Wives do sometimes get confused with the difference between “Knowing” and “Understanding”. Husbands do know their wives very well. But they do not understand why they act like they do. Husbands know that their wives crave for chocolates every month. They need to go out on a vacation and spend some time together. There are things that have to be understood. And there are things that have to be told in crystal clear words – words which a husband can understand straight away and reply with comprehensive reasoning. If the wife is mad at you, you have the right to know why. Expecting to understand something complex like a woman’s mind as soon as you’re married, is something that even NASA won’t be able to figure out. The wife will never know why the husband is so frustrated unless he shares his feelings. It is about sharing after all. The more you share, the more you know, and the more you understand each other well. The “Understanding” part in a marriage has to be mutual. Only then, a husband will truly know and understand. (Not fully. Not yet.)
S – He’s SLOW
In a family where both, husband and wife go to work, the responsibilities on both fall equally. But, in a family where just the husband is working, the responsibility falls more on the wife when it comes to managing the whole house. The wife tries to make everything work and does all the running around in the house, and outside as well. But, the husband goes to work, he too runs around to meet clients and get some business. He puts his whole mind at work and eventually loses his hair, or greys them. The balance doesn’t seem to be quite right. An ideal husband would never let his wife take any stress, or put a leash on her. He would never force her to rush into situations or decisions or taking any kind of actions. Unless they both are going for a movie, and she is taking all the time in the world to get dressed up, he would wait like a good boy.
On the other hand, the husband is most of the times forced to rush into almost everything. If the husband is on a call with a client and the wife asks him to do something... and if he says, “Wait a minute”, or “hold on”, or “WHAAAAT?”, or if he sees your text and doesn’t reply back soon, or doesn’t reply at all... it’s the end of time. It’s Apocalypse. It all comes down to his turnaround time. No matter how efficient the husband is, at work. At home, if he’s not doing the aforementioned chores, he’s a slow coach. Time is of the essence – true. But, not every time though. Being restless and being impatient are the qualities that work best in a professional setup. They take you to great heights and give you all the fame and recognition you deserve. But, a marriage is like wine. It gets better with time. More time, much better will be the taste. So, if your husband is slow at doing chores, having a little patience won’t hurt though. If wives give that grace time, husbands will surely get better and quick. (Not at doing everything. Not yet.)
B – He’s not that BRAVE
He may have been the most rebellious man in all of the universe who fled from his home to do something with his life and he may have fought innumerable battles to make you his queen. In the end, as mentioned earlier, he’s a human. And like all humans, he too gets scared. He’s afraid of things he cannot share, even with his wife. Husbands are extremely vulnerable creatures and rarely do wives catch them off-guard and see the unseen. Bravery to husbands is like honesty to politicians. They tend to show what they are not. There are situations when a husband has to either listen to his wife’s version of the situation or his sister / mother’s version. By default, the husband is designed to choose his birth-family over his wife. Most of the family feuds begin with disagreements, and it’s always the husband who is stuck in the ethical dilemma. If he runs away or ignores, he’s a coward. If he fights with his family, he will be labelled as “Wife’s Pet”. If he fights with the wife, he will be called as “Momma’s Boy”. These are fragile relationships and can be broken with a single misunderstanding. And, a seasoned husband who has understood the nuances will never let such situations come in his life. A husband is a creature who can do anything to have his peace of mind. He possesses a selfish attitude (which the wives will absolutely agree), the will to do anything, but in the end, he does everything that’s against his principles of peace. He may not shed tears, or he may not sulk about his pathetic life. But, he will always take a stand and accept that he’s not brave enough. If this truth is accepted by the wives, there will be no more fights. (Not forever. Not yet.)
A – He’s not at all ATTENTIVE
This is the case with most of the Gemini husbands. Their attention span in a conversation is hardly any seconds. Some wives have a habit of constantly sharing about their everyday activity with everyone and sharing their shared conversations with everyone. Not every wife is a Drama Queen or a Gossip Girl, but those who are, have no limits. The wives sometimes go on and on and on about their new Mascara, lip liners, and eyeshadows; their new tote bags and how it looks rad on her; the new old neighbour and how they are total douchebags. There are often stories about how the husband is not at all listening to them because they are still thinking of what his boss said; they might be thinking of some other woman whom they were gawking in the office; they might be thinking about how Croatia could have won the World Cup; they might be thinking what would Thanos do in Avengers 4, and so on and so forth. In many cases, wives just want their husbands to get involved and listen to their conversation. If they started the conversation with an intention to involve the husbands too, they would ask about his day at the office; ask him how he’s feeling; is he tired; sleepy; angry; horny... whatever. Only then, the topic of conversation could be decided. But, that’s not the case. The topic is predetermined. Husbands just become a conduit / storage device of that particular topic. If the husband fails to listen attentively, he will again be yelled at, on the same topic – of not being attentive enough. And, what do you think the husbands will do then? Listen for the second time?
Let’s turn the tables and see if the same rules apply to wives. The husband tells his wife about a new product lineup that’s been set up in the company and how blockchain is making a huge contribution in managing the data. The whole point about conversations is about listening to “each other”, and not just the husband listening to the wife. If this can be understood by the wives, the husband will listen to them. (Not all-day long. Not yet.)
N – He’s is so NEGLIGENT
Most of the husbands have heard this phrase quite too often, “You don’t care at all”. Though neither a wife nor a husband receives an instruction manual on how to handle each other, there are a few instances where they actually do. But, under common circumstances, it’s left up to the husband and wife to figure each other out. Be it arranged marriage or love marriage, nobody understands each other completely in one go. Just like a wife is burdened with responsibilities, the husband too is equally loaded with a lot of baggage (pun, not intended). It’s about the marriage of not just two people, but two families. Both husband and wife should ensure that the families are not grabbing each other by the neck, and vice versa. The husband and wife together represent families in multiple social functions. In these times, it is a “golden” opportunity (pun, intended now) for the wife to get dressed up the way she likes. But, the husband, when he fails to dress to the occasion, is labelled as “Negligent”. He doesn’t care about her side of the family; he doesn’t care about her friends or colleagues (what they will think); he doesn’t know how to dress; he doesn’t understand fashion, so on and so forth. That’s one side of the story. Looking at it from the husband’s perspective, here’s a little insight – The husband gets invited to a family function (say, engagement of his neighbour’s sister-in-law’s aunt’s daughter). The relation is maddening. That’s not the point. He gets invited and he’s not interested. These fine lines between words are what confuse wives. If the husband is not interested, it means he’s not interested. Drawing a series of implications of what it means is utterly unnecessary. If the husband is not interested in how his wife looks, it means he’s uninterested in speaking about the looks. Digging deeper into the topic should only happen if the wife is writing a thesis on the subject and is intending to complete her Ph.D. in Husband’s Comments on my New Floral Blue Pinafore. There are a few things that the wife doesn’t like about the husband. When he excitingly comes up to his wife and shows the new series of Sacred Games and the wife blatantly refuses to watch it with him – the reasons can be aplenty. But, whether you join him or not, he’s going to watch it anyway. It doesn’t make him negligent. It just points out the fact that the wife is not interested in what he is. These are some differences in a relationship that has to be respected. Only then, the husband will start to care about what you wear. (Not about everything. Not yet.)
D – He’s really DUMB
A sense of humour is not everyone’s cup of tea. While some wives take a joke sportingly, others think that their husbands have lost their brain. Scientifically, people who have a good sense of humour show higher signs of intelligence. But, science says many things. Not everything is practical and not everything is understood by wives or husbands. Wives usually consider their husbands to be dumb based on three main grounds –
1. He doesn’t know when, where, in front of whom to crack a joke.
2. Even if he does that in front of his wife, he’s still dumb because he said/did that joke in front of his wife, instead of saying something romantic.
3. If he shuts up and says nothing then, the husband has no sense of humour, and so, he’s really dumb.
As mentioned before, none of us get an instruction manual to handle each other. It has to happen on-the-job. That’s the only way to learn. There are so many instances where wives have always been smarter than men in being street-smart. They have better skills in negotiation and bargaining than husbands. The husbands, in fact, respect their wives for that. It’s the universal truth that a husband becomes a husband, only after submission (accepting defeat). Even before an argument begins, the husband has a box of Sorry’s ready. It’s a sad state these days that husbands are fighting to “Not Fight”, and stay happy instead of just staying happily. It all sounds good in a blog, article or a story. But, try doing that in real. The HUSBAND will know how it feels to be a HUSBAND, and the wife will know who really is a H.U.S.B.A.N.D.
