Monday, August 27, 2018

Where’s the Middle Ground?

If you are a middle-class man and married recently, there must be an incessant turmoil going on in your mind. You must be thinking, “why me?” There were times when nobody cared what you did, or said. But now, after you are married, everyone questions your decisions and actions (even inactions). You are blamed for posing a “changed” (read, spoilt) behaviour and it is basically not you – it's because of YOUR WIFE, who has drastically changed you as per her convenience and necessities, just because you are like clay in your thirties. Anybody can manipulate you and make you their slave, right? That’s the intention of every marriage – to enslave all of “Man” kind. The mother-sister combo tries that for a particular period with all their love. To some extent they succeed without any resistance from you. Because, you too love them back equally for everything they did to you, right from your birth till your marriage. Now that you have become their most prized possession, it is nearly impossible for them to let you get taken over by some woman who hardly knows you, but claims to love you more than anyone. They probably want to put that to test. There was nobody to question their ways as they had a monopoly on you. Now that your wife is in the picture, they are seeing her as a competition and not a partner. She’s anyway your partner for life. She will take over your life, like a parasite. She will infect you with a plague that your parents always tried to prevent. Well, all these are good thought-starters.

For a middle-class man like you, the time is stuck in between generations. “Middle” is your destination. You can neither go back to how you were before nor can you move on and be happy. Your basic factory setting will force you to choose your family over your wife, by default. But when that begins to change, the combo-ladies begin to smell fear. It is impossible for them to understand that they won’t be forsaken by you. In fact, when your wife is helping you to love them, you should know whose side you should take. There’s nothing wrong in sharing relationships. You were a son and a brother before. And, now you have also become a husband, a son-in-law, and a brother-in-law. There are many relationships yet to come. But, you won’t have to cut yourself into pieces to love each one of them individually. It’s a different story altogether if the relations (read, relatives) begin to cut you. It is your duty to hold yourself in one piece, physically and emotionally. There are times when you have an existential crisis more than a mid-life crisis. That’s when you need to really become selfish, and not think about anyone who loves you. Because, if there is no YOU, they won’t be able to love anything neither will you be able to love anyone back. You do not need approval from anyone to prove how much you love or care about your own family. They do not need to compete against anyone to prove their love for you. The only thing that would tug your heart is that nothing ever seems to work out. No matter what you do, after you get married, every breath you take is a manipulative move by your wife; and this mindset cannot be changed. Everyone turns blind to their own actions and this is truly disheartening. When you are not given enough space as a couple, it doesn’t sound like a serious mistake to them. If they are reluctant to gel with the new member of the family, it is still the wife’s mistake. And most importantly, if you are not sharing everything like you did before, you’re a federal criminal. Every intimate moment you have with your wife; every freaking smile that you both share together; every bloody secret that you both have, should be reported or else your life will be sucked out of you. After marriage, there’s no understanding left in them on the concept of “Personal Space”. They hound you for “blessing” them with a grandchild ASAP. As if we can order them on Amazon Prime and it will be delivered even before we got time to hold hands and feel each other’s heartbeats. That would be quite an efficient and untiring way to make babies, right? They should have tried that (via Speed Post).

Friday, August 24, 2018

Who is a H.U.S.B.A.N.D.?

It is imperative for any man to change after he ties a knot / gets married / legally wedded / escapes his singlehood / becomes the king / slave / HUSBAND! All men do accept the fact that they are not alone now. They can no longer live lives like they did as bachelors. They can no longer keep their room untidy as they preferred it to be. They can no longer sit idly and do nothing. While many wives think that they give their husbands enough freedom to do as they like, here’s the truth. The wives really do not intend to do so. But, they leave it to their husband’s “Superior Intelligence” to catch the cue. Well, I’ve gone a bit deeper into the concept of “HUSBAND” and tried to break it down alphabet by alphabet. With the minimum experience in this department, here’s what I feel HUSBAND should really mean to wives across the world –

H – He’s just HUMAN
Like all women, men too are humans. I am not supporting those who act like hooligans on the street, or the ones who hurl sexual abuses and harass women, and other acts of monstrosity. I am talking about those mad romantics who followed their dreams and became soulmates. And to other couples who didn’t follow their dreams and yet found “true love”, making mistakes is like a stepping stone in building stronger relationships. If men were machines, they would have been flawless in their every attempt to please / woo women.
When a husband doesn’t get the right detergent, or gets a 100 ml extra milk, or doesn’t add a spoon of sugar in the tea, or forgets to call back after reaching office, or falls asleep snoring, or gets a pastry instead of donut, or gets daisies instead of roses... wives are super-pissed about all of it. One stupid mistake and all the good things you did goes for a toss. If that can be overlooked, a husband will truly mean something (not everything. Not yet.)

U – He’s not always UNDERSTANDING
Some couples (soulmates / besties / life partners) claim to know each other so well; they can almost read each other’s minds. Well, if that were the case, there would be no domestic violence, no dowry-related suicides, no extra-marital affairs, etc, etc. To sum it up, “Understanding” each other is the root. We can conclude that husbands are not quite the understanding types. They zone out in the middle of the conversation; they are dumbnuts when it comes to catching the cues; they don’t quite get the concept of sign language when they are fully capable of speaking; they do not get the suspense in silence; they had hearing problems when it comes to whispering, and so on and so forth. Most of the household fights begin with one sentence – “Why don’t you UNDERSTAND?” Even if the husband is a huge fan / devotee / follower / fanatic of Sherlock, he will never be able to solve the mystery behind a stare. He won’t get why the wife is dreadfully quiet. He won’t dare ask, “What happened?” He will come to know it is because of something he did or didn’t do. Wives do sometimes get confused with the difference between “Knowing” and “Understanding”. Husbands do know their wives very well. But they do not understand why they act like they do. Husbands know that their wives crave for chocolates every month. They need to go out on a vacation and spend some time together. There are things that have to be understood. And there are things that have to be told in crystal clear words – words which a husband can understand straight away and reply with comprehensive reasoning. If the wife is mad at you, you have the right to know why. Expecting to understand something complex like a woman’s mind as soon as you’re married, is something that even NASA won’t be able to figure out. The wife will never know why the husband is so frustrated unless he shares his feelings. It is about sharing after all. The more you share, the more you know, and the more you understand each other well. The “Understanding” part in a marriage has to be mutual. Only then, a husband will truly know and understand. (Not fully. Not yet.)

S – He’s SLOW
In a family where both, husband and wife go to work, the responsibilities on both fall equally. But, in a family where just the husband is working, the responsibility falls more on the wife when it comes to managing the whole house. The wife tries to make everything work and does all the running around in the house, and outside as well. But, the husband goes to work, he too runs around to meet clients and get some business. He puts his whole mind at work and eventually loses his hair, or greys them. The balance doesn’t seem to be quite right. An ideal husband would never let his wife take any stress, or put a leash on her. He would never force her to rush into situations or decisions or taking any kind of actions. Unless they both are going for a movie, and she is taking all the time in the world to get dressed up, he would wait like a good boy.
On the other hand, the husband is most of the times forced to rush into almost everything. If the husband is on a call with a client and the wife asks him to do something... and if he says, “Wait a minute”, or “hold on”, or “WHAAAAT?”, or if he sees your text and doesn’t reply back soon, or doesn’t reply at all... it’s the end of time. It’s Apocalypse. It all comes down to his turnaround time. No matter how efficient the husband is, at work. At home, if he’s not doing the aforementioned chores, he’s a slow coach. Time is of the essence – true. But, not every time though. Being restless and being impatient are the qualities that work best in a professional setup. They take you to great heights and give you all the fame and recognition you deserve. But, a marriage is like wine. It gets better with time. More time, much better will be the taste. So, if your husband is slow at doing chores, having a little patience won’t hurt though. If wives give that grace time, husbands will surely get better and quick. (Not at doing everything. Not yet.)
  
B – He’s not that BRAVE
He may have been the most rebellious man in all of the universe who fled from his home to do something with his life and he may have fought innumerable battles to make you his queen. In the end, as mentioned earlier, he’s a human. And like all humans, he too gets scared. He’s afraid of things he cannot share, even with his wife. Husbands are extremely vulnerable creatures and rarely do wives catch them off-guard and see the unseen. Bravery to husbands is like honesty to politicians. They tend to show what they are not. There are situations when a husband has to either listen to his wife’s version of the situation or his sister / mother’s version. By default, the husband is designed to choose his birth-family over his wife. Most of the family feuds begin with disagreements, and it’s always the husband who is stuck in the ethical dilemma. If he runs away or ignores, he’s a coward. If he fights with his family, he will be labelled as “Wife’s Pet”. If he fights with the wife, he will be called as “Momma’s Boy”. These are fragile relationships and can be broken with a single misunderstanding. And, a seasoned husband who has understood the nuances will never let such situations come in his life. A husband is a creature who can do anything to have his peace of mind. He possesses a selfish attitude (which the wives will absolutely agree), the will to do anything, but in the end, he does everything that’s against his principles of peace. He may not shed tears, or he may not sulk about his pathetic life. But, he will always take a stand and accept that he’s not brave enough. If this truth is accepted by the wives, there will be no more fights. (Not forever. Not yet.)

A – He’s not at all ATTENTIVE
This is the case with most of the Gemini husbands. Their attention span in a conversation is hardly any seconds. Some wives have a habit of constantly sharing about their everyday activity with everyone and sharing their shared conversations with everyone. Not every wife is a Drama Queen or a Gossip Girl, but those who are, have no limits. The wives sometimes go on and on and on about their new Mascara, lip liners, and eyeshadows; their new tote bags and how it looks rad on her; the new old neighbour and how they are total douchebags. There are often stories about how the husband is not at all listening to them because they are still thinking of what his boss said; they might be thinking of some other woman whom they were gawking in the office; they might be thinking about how Croatia could have won the World Cup; they might be thinking what would Thanos do in Avengers 4, and so on and so forth. In many cases, wives just want their husbands to get involved and listen to their conversation. If they started the conversation with an intention to involve the husbands too, they would ask about his day at the office; ask him how he’s feeling; is he tired; sleepy; angry; horny... whatever. Only then, the topic of conversation could be decided. But, that’s not the case. The topic is predetermined. Husbands just become a conduit / storage device of that particular topic. If the husband fails to listen attentively, he will again be yelled at, on the same topic – of not being attentive enough. And, what do you think the husbands will do then? Listen for the second time?
Let’s turn the tables and see if the same rules apply to wives. The husband tells his wife about a new product lineup that’s been set up in the company and how blockchain is making a huge contribution in managing the data. The whole point about conversations is about listening to “each other”, and not just the husband listening to the wife. If this can be understood by the wives, the husband will listen to them. (Not all-day long. Not yet.)

N – He’s is so NEGLIGENT
Most of the husbands have heard this phrase quite too often, “You don’t care at all”. Though neither a wife nor a husband receives an instruction manual on how to handle each other, there are a few instances where they actually do. But, under common circumstances, it’s left up to the husband and wife to figure each other out. Be it arranged marriage or love marriage, nobody understands each other completely in one go. Just like a wife is burdened with responsibilities, the husband too is equally loaded with a lot of baggage (pun, not intended). It’s about the marriage of not just two people, but two families. Both husband and wife should ensure that the families are not grabbing each other by the neck, and vice versa. The husband and wife together represent families in multiple social functions. In these times, it is a “golden” opportunity (pun, intended now) for the wife to get dressed up the way she likes. But, the husband, when he fails to dress to the occasion, is labelled as “Negligent”. He doesn’t care about her side of the family; he doesn’t care about her friends or colleagues (what they will think); he doesn’t know how to dress; he doesn’t understand fashion, so on and so forth. That’s one side of the story. Looking at it from the husband’s perspective, here’s a little insight – The husband gets invited to a family function (say, engagement of his neighbour’s sister-in-law’s aunt’s daughter). The relation is maddening. That’s not the point. He gets invited and he’s not interested. These fine lines between words are what confuse wives. If the husband is not interested, it means he’s not interested. Drawing a series of implications of what it means is utterly unnecessary. If the husband is not interested in how his wife looks, it means he’s uninterested in speaking about the looks. Digging deeper into the topic should only happen if the wife is writing a thesis on the subject and is intending to complete her Ph.D. in Husband’s Comments on my New Floral Blue Pinafore. There are a few things that the wife doesn’t like about the husband. When he excitingly comes up to his wife and shows the new series of Sacred Games and the wife blatantly refuses to watch it with him – the reasons can be aplenty. But, whether you join him or not, he’s going to watch it anyway. It doesn’t make him negligent. It just points out the fact that the wife is not interested in what he is. These are some differences in a relationship that has to be respected. Only then, the husband will start to care about what you wear. (Not about everything. Not yet.)

D – He’s really DUMB
A sense of humour is not everyone’s cup of tea. While some wives take a joke sportingly, others think that their husbands have lost their brain. Scientifically, people who have a good sense of humour show higher signs of intelligence. But, science says many things. Not everything is practical and not everything is understood by wives or husbands. Wives usually consider their husbands to be dumb based on three main grounds –
1.    He doesn’t know when, where, in front of whom to crack a joke.
2.    Even if he does that in front of his wife, he’s still dumb because he said/did that joke in front of his wife, instead of saying something romantic.
3.    If he shuts up and says nothing then, the husband has no sense of humour, and so, he’s really dumb.

As mentioned before, none of us get an instruction manual to handle each other. It has to happen on-the-job. That’s the only way to learn. There are so many instances where wives have always been smarter than men in being street-smart. They have better skills in negotiation and bargaining than husbands. The husbands, in fact, respect their wives for that. It’s the universal truth that a husband becomes a husband, only after submission (accepting defeat). Even before an argument begins, the husband has a box of Sorry’s ready. It’s a sad state these days that husbands are fighting to “Not Fight”, and stay happy instead of just staying happily. It all sounds good in a blog, article or a story. But, try doing that in real. The HUSBAND will know how it feels to be a HUSBAND, and the wife will know who really is a H.U.S.B.A.N.D.


Thursday, July 12, 2018

I Offer My Hands To The Shades


Terrified and terrorized, my dreams are numb.
Love, for some reason, has always stayed dumb.
Why did life have so many twists and turns?
So cold the world; yet it burns,
the hearts, the souls and the forest of freedom.
Now, I offer my hands to the shades,
the shades of grief; of disbelief.
I offer my hands,
to the monuments of myriad mirages,
to the chaotic substance of trust,
galvanized with love, yet vulnerable to lust.
I offer my hands,
to the unforgiving purgatory of reality.
I submit to the power beyond insanity.
I was infinite, yet confined to my self.
Now I am free.
Because I’ve offered my hands,
to the shades of glee.

Monday, July 9, 2018

Loss



You never know
how to deal with a loss,
from the moment you lose.
The only thing we’ll know,
is pain, anguish, and sorrow
of knowing
that the person won’t be here
tomorrow.
We grieve, mourn and weep,
we try to unravel
every memory out of the deep
corners of our soul.
We stop believing
and keep bereaving.
His voice echoes infinitely,
his light shines brightly.
The life, as we knew it,
is no more around us.
The mirror broke, yet it spoke
a million words.
He stays on the other side now,
reflecting on our lives.
He has not passed away,
but has passed on
his life, his light,
his learning and wisdom
in a new vessel.
The vessel crawls, shrieks,
giggles, falls.
We fall apart,
and we fall in love
with the new life.
yet, the loss
is never forgotten.
We cannot stop
the teardrops.
We cannot disband
the emotional bond.
We can, however,
love him forever
for all he did, all he was,
and all he has left behind.
A loving heart,
and a spirited mind.


Friday, May 4, 2018

Surrender


All the fanatics,
and all their fantasies.
Never swallow the pride,
nor follow any rules.
Hollow are their minds,
but never act like fools.
Because they never surrender.
Never surrender to be
the slaves of the past,
nor masters of tomorrow.
Because they do not know
to grieve the loss,
nor they know to heave
a sigh of relief.
Feeble is their belief of war,
because they do not know
what they’re fighting for.
They will never win,
nor they will kill
the enemies.
Because they do not know
how it feels to bleed
on the battlefield.
They do not know to yield,
nor to lead.
Because they do not know
what surrender means.
To those who never lived,
nor loved a soul.
Giving up was never their trait.
Emotions weren’t that great.
And, they accepted their fate.
Like a poem never surrendered
to the prose.
Used brevity like a rose,
stories too never surrendered
to rainbows.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Wanderer


I am here,
thinking
of escaping
the mundane.
I must be insane
to even think
of a life beyond deadlines.
My mind - a wanderer,
reminds me always.
Do something else.
You’ve earned your laurels.
Let your mind rest.
Calm that beast.
Do that at least
and begin the conquest.
So speaks my mind.
So kind
of it to let me be.
It finally came to a halt.
“I’ll finally have my single malt”, I wondered
and began to wander.
My feet started to speak.
“Where’s the bloody peak?”
“How high is the mountain?”
“Why am I this weak?”
I didn’t have an answer.
I didn’t have any answers.
I was hunting for feats
and my feet had turned fragile.
“How will you wander now?”
“I can see the moon”, said the eyes.
“I can even dream.
when you can’t even scream.”
The eyes were confident,
full of love.
“Get ready for ascent”,
the eyes powered the feet,
and so the wanderer was reborn
from his own defeat.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

God is a delay

I’ve prayed for You,
for quite some time now.
Deliver your blessings.
Yes, I’ve gotten aggressive.
I’ve gotten impatient.
Because You made me
a mortal, a human,
a dreamer.
I am here now,
demanding You
my dreams.
I cannot live long, to watch
my apocalypse.
I am here now,
challenging Your design
of my unfathomable mind.
There must be some glitch
in Your perfect universe.
The prayers must have been
lost in transit.
Fill the empty space with some air.
Spread love everywhere.
The message isn’t meant to die
in the letter.
It would be better,
if You were Speed,
and blessed me with Godspeed.
But, here I am,
waiting for You,
to show me the way.
What’s the delay?
Am I not loud enough?
Am I not clear enough?
Am I not yet ready for Your deliverance?
Speak with me. You haven’t bestowed
me with superpowers.
I am super-normal. I do not understand
invisible supers and subtitles of life.
Please listen to my heartbeat.
It’s wearing off with excessive hope
that You have named as “Optimism”.
It’s not even a religion like Buddhism.
Give me answers, or give me peace.
The world doesn’t take my word,
as it is.
God... is indeed a delay.
Now it’s time to save the day.

Monday, March 19, 2018

A Stone Collector gone rogue!

People are going bonkers over the rumours of a foreign man’s obsession with collecting stones for a living. For a brief period of time, people actually believed that this man was from Kashmir and was doing this as his hobby of stone-pelting in Pakistan occupied Kashmir region. Some even believed this guy is an ex-surgeon. He had an uncommon fetish for kidney stones and dissected his patients beyond medical limits. Here’s what they believe to be true –

In search of some of the weirdest stones, this madman has travelled to places unknown. He has a habit of putting those stones in his shiny glove and bullies good people. It’s just in the recent past that the timeline has had some glitches and he’s facing serious issues collecting them. Authorities have reported that the missing stone, popularly known as The Rock, has moved into a different universe altogether where it has gained the abilities to transform itself from a pebble to a boulder just by uttering one word. The Russo Brothers have also confirmed that their upcoming movie is not a biopic of an overly obsessed gigantic purple-blooded stone-collector.
Avengers: Infinity War might seem like one such movie. But, it’s not. It is a normal movie with some of the people whose contracts are overdue and the actors are fed up of playing the same characters, bulking themselves up every year for the past 10 years. Though there have been three versions of The Angry Big Green Guy, there’s still hope for the youngest member of Team Avengers. This time he seems to be confident about successfully featuring in a trilogy of his own franchise. But, there are speculations that Infinity War might be his last movie as this would be his third cameo (complete trilogy). Similar speculations have been made about the King of Wakanda. However, the studio doesn’t feel like letting go of any of its Chris characters and are hoping to get more of them in coming days. There are even rumours that Chris Rock would be that guy who would fulfill all the requirements of the studio. He can be the missing stone and the addition to Kevin’s “Chris Collection” as well.

People are unable to contain the excitement to see the stone-collector going rogue and beating up each and every character in the MCU. In some parts of the country, people are smoking a huge amount of marijuana and see if the stone-collector comes to them. They seem to miss the point – “He’s a stone-collector. Not stoner-collector”. The movie releases on April 27th, 2018. It seems like they have anticipated such insanity and decided to rename the sequel of the movie as - Avengers: Insanity Wars.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

No Sympathy Only Violence

Surviving a storm in the ocean,
or the darkness of the universe.
Here’s a verse, to express an emotion.
One that breaks a heart,
one that leaves a scar.
It’s a dying star
that becomes a wish.
I wish I saw one today.
Day
It shines, it shows,
it reveals the way.
A way out for
tears that break down,
in your empty lap.
A smile that’s somewhere lost,
in the communication gap.
It’s all melancholy.
Nothing holy.
It’s a cruel world and you stand there.
All alone, gazing at the sun,
with your naked eye.
It shows no mercy, no sympathy.
No matter you are human or not.
No matter you are happy or not.
No matter you are alive or not.
The sunshine hits you hard,
deep within.
Your soul craves for more pain,
and the clouds refuse to rain.
What more can the universe conspire?
What more can be furious than fire?
You feel the rage? Frustration? Wrath?
Or did you forget your math?
Who do you think outsmarts us all?
Who listens to our prayers in silence?
Do you feel you are heard enough?
Or do you feel there should be violence?
Only violence.
To live a life of suffrage.
To die a death of an outrage.
Or just survive like a ray,
till the dawn of the night?
No!
There cannot be any more anguish,
I wish!
But, the truth is bitter.
Life is no longer better.
Without you.
Or without me.
The singularity just doesn’t seep
in the minds of a poet.
So the entire world seems like a deep abyss
of an unknown unrest.
It kills you.
It fills you
with the most innate feelings
of love.
But now it’s all over because,
such is life!