Monday, July 29, 2013
Flirting with friendship: Life on a deathbed
Chapter 8: Life on a deathbed
I was momentarily having my great time with two healthy girls over my sleek fleshless body, but the pain post the pleasure session was getting intolerable. I wasn’t able to sleep on my back. One full day I laid on my belly, and my mom seemed tensed.
“Do you want me to call Kulkarni Doctor?” she brushed my hair with her fingers.
God! I wish I was a kid sleeping in her lap rocking to her lullabies and sleeping peacefully.
“Yes Maa. Please call.” I said with a broken voice and maybe a couple of broken bones.
Dr. Madhav Kulkarni is our family doctor and has been with us since my mother was a child. At 65 years of age, he still goes to his clinic on his old Hero Honda CD100. Not to mention, he is a punctuality freak and expects everything to happen on time. Just like his ideal marriage that was a paradox in itself. He wished to go for love marriage, but ended up in an arranged marriage, and he wished for one daughter and he had three hat-trick sons. For a shrewd Brahmin doctor, Madhav Uncle was an ideal example of strictness with a blend of discipline and comical misfortune. As a kid, I always was shit-scared to get an injection from him. He used to treat human subjects like animals and considered himself a sort of magical vet and stabbed our tiny asses. I used to get an extra bum every time I went for treatment to his clinic.
“Mom. Please ask him to give me some tablets.” I slightly requested making myself look more pathetic and helpless.
“He’s coming in ten minutes.” She said. “You only ask him.” She slapped my bum and left.
“I’ll get you Boost.” She went to kitchen. In the meanwhile, Sakshi called up home and said that she too was coming to see me. Wow! I’d become a popular patient overnight.
I was lying on my bed like I was in my last stage of cancer and everyone were sitting beside me as if I’d called my attorney to write down my will.
“Hello Abhi. How are you?” Madhav Uncle came on time.
I am doing great. I just called you for a cup of coffee. I thought for myself.
“I can’t move my back.” I said, pointing at the area where I had the maximum pain.
“What happened? Did you fall from a building or what?” He started to play his humour card on me.
“No Uncle. The building itself fell on me.” I rebounded.
Sakshi was sitting beside me. She knew the whole story. She softly squeezed my palm which she was holding very tightly before. Everyone broke into laughter and mom went in to get some coffee for Madhav uncle. I signalled Sakshi with my eyes to go and help mom and she too went in. I wanted to talk some serious stuff with doctor and I had my sweet private time.
“Anything serious Madhav Uncle?” I asked with my eyes wide open.
“Let me check.” He opened his briefcase and took out his stethoscope. His placed it on my back and asked me to breathe deeply.
“Inhale now... Exhale now...” He made me do all the Baba Ramdev special moves. He then pressed on some specific areas and asked me if it pained in those particular areas. I responded accordingly and he took off his stethoscope.
“Looks like a muscle sprain. Nothing much to worry.” He gave a consolation smile, plus a prescription.
“I’ll give some tablets and a pain-relief spray.” He said. I was all relieved even before I took them. Thank God he didn’t give me an injection.
“I’ll just give a Penicillin injection now. You can start your tablets from tomorrow.” He took out his weapon of choice. I raised the sleeve of my T-shirt for him to shoot his spike.
“Pull down your shorts Abhi. I’ll give on your waist.” He was shrewd and determined. I closed my eyes, pulled down my shorts and surrendered my bum to the ruthless Ass-ass-in, almost literally. I tightly grabbed the pillow and was waiting for the procedure to get over. When Uncle applied the antiseptic on my ass with the cotton, I felt an ice cube melting on my bum. Then, there was this epic penetration and the pain was gone. I was taking an injection from him after some 12-15 years. And there was a huge improvement in his courtesy level. He actually treated me like a human.
“Is it over Uncle?” I asked in a doubt, thinking if he’d forgotten his syringe in my rear.
“Yes Abhi, it’s done.” He replied with his usual conclusive tone.
It was very soothing I was falling asleep. Mom and Sakshi too came in by the time Madhav Uncle was about to leave.
“Here’s your coffee Madhav Anna.” My mom handed over a cup to him. Madhav Uncle was like a brother to our family as he only took care of my mom and her sisters when my grandpa used to fall sick. Sakshi too had a cup of coffee in her hand and she was sitting right beside me. I was watching mom and uncle talk about me and Sakshi in the hall, but couldn’t actually hear them properly. Suddenly, I felt like a drop of hot lava fell on my ass, and screamed the hell out.
“What happened???” mom and uncle both came in running.
“Nothing.” Sakshi replied. There was a devilish look in her eyes. “I offered him coffee and he sipped without knowing how hot it is.” She lied instantly. Mom and uncle walked back to the hall.
“What the hell was that?” I grabbed Sakshi’s hands and didn’t allow her to move.
“Tit for tat” She replied with a grin. I kept wondering when did I burn her ass this way.
“What did I do?” I wondered what else was remaining to be burnt and broken.
“Forgot the Splash Game so soon?” she reminded me of that incident. It was really a fun time we three had together, but all of us had got even that day, that moment itself. It was only me who was suffering the after-effects.
“One day, it’ll be my cup of coffee and your bum.” I said with a faint hint of vengeance.
“I am all yours Abhi.” She placed her glossy fingers on my shoulders from behind, laid on my back and kissed my cheeks.
“Get well soon dude.” She left from the room and I fell asleep after an hour or so.