Sunday, March 27, 2011
Love You, Father....
I never had this courage to talk about serious life matters with you and always felt numb about our relation. I regret for not having said all the things which made me smother at times. A Father-Son bond was always kind of fictional to me. Though I had lots of things to tell you, I never did. To start with the deepest one; I’ve always been proud of what you are and what you keep doing; for the family, for your siblings, and the entire gang of your fellow mates. I never saw the love that you poured incessantly being off the lights, and that made me love my mother more. Psychologically, sons are attached more with their mothers and daughters, with their fathers. This statement hurt me sometimes when I kept thinking that you love my sister more than me. I still love to write your name whenever I fill some form. I haven’t been a good son and taken all the responsibilities that I should have taken and I don’t blame you or mom for loving me so much that I never felt a need to be worried about stuff.
I am sorry father, I never listened to you whenever you asked me to do a “Bank Job” because as a child I had identified what I am good at and it was words that took me to a supernatural level of ecstasy. I feel bad whenever I think about what you said about me being an IAS officer. I am sorry I didn’t fulfill your dream, but I wasn’t destined to be one. I am sorry I couldn’t convince you for what I wanted to be, but I always feel happy that you didn’t confine me in case of my career. I am sorry I didn’t sit with you and talk about all the problems I used to face. I still do face, but never have I had that strength to make a conversation about those things. I am sorry that, I wasn’t taking care of my own things that you gave with love. I am sorry I behaved rudely greedy and always asked for more and new. I am sorry that I talked with mom always, whenever I called home even if you were available.
I love you, Father, for being around me always even when I was not in a condition to be in anyone’s company. I love you, for not being shrewd on me and I know that these are things not be said often because every father loves his children and it’s an eternal bond, but I’ve failed to be a person who has to be serious at certain age. I regret for not being there when you wanted me to be. I love you, father, for keeping your faith in me and I’ll never let you down on this part. I’ve been struggling on finding a job where people love me for what I do and I am still fighting to find a clean-minded place with crystal clear notional people. I am new to the world of ‘Ugly Politics’ and I am not able to cope up with the corporate betrayals, what they call as “Reality”.
I need you dad, for showing me the world as it is. I need you, to beat me up with canes and open my eyes. I need you to teach me, how to lead ahead on the road, full of dirt and “Golden Filth”. I need you dad, to tell me how I talk when truth has no place to stay. I need you dad; not just because I am weak, but I need you to make me REAL….
Thank You dad, and Love you… This was all I had to say, but couldn’t… Just because I am afraid… I don’t talk serious because I am a “Creative Monkey” as I am called so… and that is the REAL me…