Monday, August 27, 2018

Where’s the Middle Ground?

If you are a middle-class man and married recently, there must be an incessant turmoil going on in your mind. You must be thinking, “why me?” There were times when nobody cared what you did, or said. But now, after you are married, everyone questions your decisions and actions (even inactions). You are blamed for posing a “changed” (read, spoilt) behaviour and it is basically not you – it's because of YOUR WIFE, who has drastically changed you as per her convenience and necessities, just because you are like clay in your thirties. Anybody can manipulate you and make you their slave, right? That’s the intention of every marriage – to enslave all of “Man” kind. The mother-sister combo tries that for a particular period with all their love. To some extent they succeed without any resistance from you. Because, you too love them back equally for everything they did to you, right from your birth till your marriage. Now that you have become their most prized possession, it is nearly impossible for them to let you get taken over by some woman who hardly knows you, but claims to love you more than anyone. They probably want to put that to test. There was nobody to question their ways as they had a monopoly on you. Now that your wife is in the picture, they are seeing her as a competition and not a partner. She’s anyway your partner for life. She will take over your life, like a parasite. She will infect you with a plague that your parents always tried to prevent. Well, all these are good thought-starters.

For a middle-class man like you, the time is stuck in between generations. “Middle” is your destination. You can neither go back to how you were before nor can you move on and be happy. Your basic factory setting will force you to choose your family over your wife, by default. But when that begins to change, the combo-ladies begin to smell fear. It is impossible for them to understand that they won’t be forsaken by you. In fact, when your wife is helping you to love them, you should know whose side you should take. There’s nothing wrong in sharing relationships. You were a son and a brother before. And, now you have also become a husband, a son-in-law, and a brother-in-law. There are many relationships yet to come. But, you won’t have to cut yourself into pieces to love each one of them individually. It’s a different story altogether if the relations (read, relatives) begin to cut you. It is your duty to hold yourself in one piece, physically and emotionally. There are times when you have an existential crisis more than a mid-life crisis. That’s when you need to really become selfish, and not think about anyone who loves you. Because, if there is no YOU, they won’t be able to love anything neither will you be able to love anyone back. You do not need approval from anyone to prove how much you love or care about your own family. They do not need to compete against anyone to prove their love for you. The only thing that would tug your heart is that nothing ever seems to work out. No matter what you do, after you get married, every breath you take is a manipulative move by your wife; and this mindset cannot be changed. Everyone turns blind to their own actions and this is truly disheartening. When you are not given enough space as a couple, it doesn’t sound like a serious mistake to them. If they are reluctant to gel with the new member of the family, it is still the wife’s mistake. And most importantly, if you are not sharing everything like you did before, you’re a federal criminal. Every intimate moment you have with your wife; every freaking smile that you both share together; every bloody secret that you both have, should be reported or else your life will be sucked out of you. After marriage, there’s no understanding left in them on the concept of “Personal Space”. They hound you for “blessing” them with a grandchild ASAP. As if we can order them on Amazon Prime and it will be delivered even before we got time to hold hands and feel each other’s heartbeats. That would be quite an efficient and untiring way to make babies, right? They should have tried that (via Speed Post).

2 comments:

Pruthviraj said...

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Pruthvi said...

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